A Simple Test For Readiness

Hey, home cookin',

When I cook meat (sauté a hunk of fish, for example), I can never tell when it's done. I end up having to slice it to look inside, which means that one piece gets all messed up. Of course, I serve the ugly one to my guest. Any hints?

Medium Rare
Oakland, California

Dear Monsieur Rare,

Different hunks of meat from different critters will have different cooking times. We shan’t go into a discussion on all hunks of meat at this point. After all, we are talking about the entire animal kingdom. For the moment, let’s focus on said fishy.

A simple test for readiness may be executed using a fork. Stick a fork into the thickest part of the fish, being careful not to flake the flesh. If you are met with resistance, it is not quite ready. If it yields, it is ready for your enjoyment. If it crumbles, the moment has passed and there is no hope for salvaging the situation.

This same technique may be used to test the readiness of cooked vegetables. It may also be used on women, substituting a kiss for the fork prodding.

Remember, a good host serves ugly food only to ugly guests. A perfect host has neither.